Mother Me
I've been searching for a mother all my life,
dreaming of one, wanting, needing a mother's love.
Someone to cuddle me, nurture me, help me grow,
someone to take me on shopping trips,
buy me frilly little girl things.
To be in the kitchen, hand in hand
baking cookies, scraping the bowl, eating cookie dough.
Laughing, giggling, talking girl talk,
sharing times together, making memories.
A mother who would reach out and hold me,
love me, make me feel safe in her tender arms.
My reality- laying alone in a crib crying,
waiting for a mother that wasn't there
to pick me up, quiet and comfort me, reassure me.
Growing up wanting anybody to take her place,
to be my mommy, needing a mother so bad.
My own, in a smoke filled bar, dancing half naked
to the stares of stranger's eyes who yell to her,
"Take it off Baby!" as she gyrates her body seductively,
trying to find love and acceptance herself,
but not getting what she is looking for.
Me sitting across from her in a restaurant booth
watching my mother as she scans the room.
"Look at me, Mother, I'm right here!" I scream inwardly.
She finally looks my way and asks,
"Do you see that good looking man over there?
I think he's attracted to me." I sink further into the booth,
wishing I was somewhere else, anywhere but here.
Then much later, as I grew older,
trying to tell her how I felt and her saying to me,
"That's always your problem, you don't know
how to communicate with me..."
I give up Mother.
You can't hear me if your eyes and ears are closed
to what you don't want to hear anyway....
For thirty years, I've dreamed of what it would be like to have a real Mother,
always hoping, always wanting, holding onto that broken dream.
I sit and ponder what I will never have in reality.
Immersed in my thoughts, I feel a gentle tap on my shoulder.
It is my inner child standing beside me.
She mumbles something I barely hear,
I nod to her and she crawls into my lap.
Her innocent face with big bright eyes that look into my soul.
She reaches up to put tiny arms
around my neck and whispers in my ear.
"I love you." she says in her little girl voice.
I hug her tightly. "I love you too my child, I love you too...."
Maybe now, the search is over.
Maybe I am the only one who can mother my lost childhood.
The Mother Earth is inside of me....
Mother me.....
I wrote this poem when I was 30 years old. It was before the wonderful woman who became my Mama Bear came into my life. It was a very meaningful poem to me and still is, but I have found my Momma that I was searching for all my life and she is everything I ever needed or would have hoped for. I love her so much.
I hope you enjoyed the poem...
Love,
PolarB ;)
