I CRY

 

 

Fire demons dance in the night

A ritual around the fire.

Standing still in my silent fear,

I watch, I wait…

Faceless people make up the crowd

In their black robed garb,

Candles all around,

A shiney blade of steel

Glimmers in the fire’s glow

It’s knife edge sharply pointed.

Threatening, intimidating,

The leader watches,

Commanding with his eyes, his glare,

Waiting to be pleased,  to be obeyed.

I am caught up in this ritual, helpless,

Wanting out, wanting to run for my life

Out of this dark hell hole.

But I am propelled into the middle of it

Doing, obeying, things that sicken me,

Killing innocent lives, sacrifices

Drinking the sacrificial blood.

They try to make me one of them,

But I am not like them,

Never to be one of them…

They don’t have the inside part of me,

The part I keep safely hidden away.

They only have the outside of me.

When I obeyed, I fooled them.

Inside myself, I laughed at them,

They who are so powerful and mighty

And I, a child, tricked them

While my face expressed nothing.

Inside myself, I laughed so hard I cried.

Now, twenty-five years later,

I laugh until I cry

Only now, I cry outside myself and my tears are real.

I cry for what I remember,

I cry for what I endured,

I cry because I’m alive and living today.

I cry because I survived.

I cry…

 

 

PolarB ;)

Gifts of the Spirit

 

Within each of us

Lies a magical mystical power

Of untapped energy

If you can face your fears

And if you are willing,

You can open the crevice

To peer into your Pandora Box

What will you find within your box?

What gifts has Spirit

Bestowed upon you.

Perhaps the gift of sight and of visions…

A seer into the unknown.

Perhaps the gift of universal energy

And of healing touch

Letting the powerful energy manifest through you.

Perhaps it is your creativity

That moves another’s soul to weep with joy

And opens their heart to the beauty of your creation.

Or perhaps it is the connection into the spirit world

With those from long ago with ancient pasts…

 

It is there for you if you do not fear it.

Many will look within and get a glimpse

Of these wondrous, powerful gifts,

But because they do not understand

They will shut and seal the door tightly…

Afraid to look…Afraid to feel…Afraid to accept…

But it is okay…

Spirit knows and Spirit waits patiently

Until you are ready

To learn, to accept and to embrace

These precious gifts that Spirit has given you.

Do you have the courage to look within?

Only you know the answer…

Let it resonate within your heart

Until you are ready to accept your

Gifts of the Spirit.

 

 

I wrote this last week- hope you enjoy it.

 

PolarB ;)    1/26/2006

Walls of Silence

 

The walls around me high and strong,

built many years ago.

My prison, the one that keeps me

from the freedom of living.

Never letting me out,

never letting anyone in.

I hide within the walls,

blending in with the cracks,

afraid that someone will see.

Alone, the heavy burden I bear

weighing me down, so heavy

upon my shoulders, my being, my mind.

The horrible images of my memories

that will forever scar me,

torture me endlessly day and night.

I cannot rest in my silence.

Screams echo in my head.

My mouth opens to speak,

a cry escapes my lips.

I say the words that make me so afraid,

the ones that have kept me in fear.

I shake down to the depths of my soul.

Words spew forth as I try to get them out.

"My father sexually abused me."

I hear my voice say.

My shaking stirs the great walls around me

and they rumble to the ground

as the tears flow down my cheeks.

Brick by brick,  stone by stone,

my prison walls have fallen.

I step out of the rubble around me

and I can see a ray of hope.

I am not alone anymore and I am free.

The walls of silence have been broken.

 

 

PolarB ;)

Feelings- A Drunk's Plea....

 

Here comes those feelings again...

I really hate being bombarded

with all these fucking feelings.

Sadness, Pain, Anger and Hurt...

So many feelings.... and memories....

I'd really like to have a drink.

To taste an ice cold beer

with beads of sweat

running down the sides of the can.

Feeling it go down my throat,

that first swallow slow, meticulaous

letting the golden liquid linger

a moment on the tip of my tongue,

my tastebuds, warming my insides

as it goes down...down....down....

spreading numbness throughout

my entire body, spreading numbness erasing......

Then another and another and another

and so on, until I don't feel anything at all.

Not even the nose on my face.

 

 

I wrote this poem at one of my worst times when I was abusing alcohol and using it as a coping skill... It didn't work... only ended up hurting me more... so I stopped hurting me....

PolarB ;)

Tears of Sorrow

 

Tears of sorrow,

Tears of pain,

Years of hurting,

Years of shame.

Teardrops flowing falling down,

Teardrops dropping to the ground.

Blood-drops, tearsdrops,

shed in his name,

Satan's children,

It's all a game.

Babies killed in violence and rage

Didn't matter what the age,

Blood-drops, teardrops,

in his name,

Innocent babies are not to blame.

Teardrops falling

long overdue,

take these feelings

along with you.

Tears of sorrow,

Tears of pain,

Years of hurting,

Years of shame.

 

PolarB ;)